An Unknown feeling........

This few weeks... I felt I'm lost child, a lost sheep that can't find my master and way back home.
I'm totally lost. I don't feel like smiling but I still force myself to smile and laugh, be happy.
I don't know why. I pray to God, what is going on around me????

"CRYING" become part of my daily activity. I cried when I was bathing, studying, listen music, talking to people, eating also can cry... WHY? you ask me why? I can't even tell you what is the problem. Many many things pass through my mind, about when I was young, secondary time, friends around me, relationship, families, the dark side of me that I myself don't know who am I. Sounds stupid that I become such depress, even though my friend also ask why my face look down and sad. I just told them because of my clinical posting, but to tell the truth, it is NOT!

I may feel tired in posting but my mind and soul is tired. I don't know where is my direction anymore, I know this is a challenge to me. I don't know I can cope it, can I go through or not. I can't really find a person to talk or rely on it. Even though I have a bf, but to tell truth, I sometime don't feel like telling him my stuff...Not to say I don't love him or don't trust him, just I don't want another person I talk with also have same depression with me, and then start to feel angry and sad for me. I don't want to! Parents don't listen, some more add another one have the same feelings with me, I rather keep it to myself. Am I turning away from God? Yes I can say, sometimes I do turn away from Him. Now, slowly I'm seeking for Him, my very best Friend, Jesus.

When I speak to Him, I can feel the peace in me, no matter other people don't understand me or how they say about me. But I know Jesus listen and show kindness, goodness and love towards me. Telling me, Don't be afraid, I am here for you, My light from heaven will shine upon you. Be still, and know I am the Lord Your God!

Yes, Mary Ann, be still, no matter how life it is, you still have to stand up and continue the journey in this world, wait until the day Jesus come. ...